An Open Apology to All Moms

Alright, it’s time I apologized. I need to take a moment and apologize to all the moms I thought were crazy for wanting children, for all of the times I didn’t hold someone’s baby, and for all of the times I either completely tuned out or shuttered as a poor mother was trying to console her screaming child. I’m truly sorry. Now I know, I will forever understand you all.

If you’ve kept up with my blog you have read by now that I have never been a baby person. I told people for years I wouldn’t have children and if I did I would only have one. Over the years I changed my tune some because I knew I wanted a child of my own but it was such a big step.

I won’t even try and write a fairytale story of how in love I was with Roman when they handed him to me. I mentioned in another post that I was really nauseous after delivery so I didn’t get to really bond with him bc I felt terrible and it was late so I went to bed directly afterward and he was kept in the nursery for the duration of his stay because he wasn’t breathing while he was eating…little stinker.

In the first month I was taking so much in, like I said I didn’t know a damn thing about babies. It was so hard on me mentally to just understand this beautiful little boy and figure out how to make him comfortable. Will I compare it to the first few days of a new job?? Absolutely!!! For me it was that awkward stage at a new job where you want nothing more than to figure out what you’re doing but you’re learning and eventually you’ll know exactly what you’re doing. HA. I will never know exactly but I have to say it’s gotten so much easier, as everyone said it would.

I honestly didn’t completely bond with roman until he was a little over a month old. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love him, I did a lot but what I’m talking about is the head over heels so in love with your son that you can feel it oozing and goozing all over your insides, the kind that makes your whole body feel warm and your heart feels like it wants to explode when he smiles at you. That is what hit me like a freight train one day and it was that moment when I realized what all of my mom friends had been talking about all of these years. Now I understand why women love the cuddly little innocent bundle that is a baby. There are some days when I literally don’t want to even put him down I just want to kiss him and snuggle with him ALL day.

When I hear a baby crying now I notice it in a way that makes me stop for a second and think, “aww I wonder what baby needs.” Of course I’m still talking about those innocent babies not the ones that are old enough to just be little shits because they’re not getting what they want lol!!

So let me end this by saying again, I’m sorry. If you’re reading this and you haven’t had a child yet, eventually you will understand what I’m saying. I never thought I would admit it because I truly had no idea. This overwhelming feeling of love that my son gives me is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I never thought I could love someone more than my husband and I don’t love Roman more than him. It’s like a completely different type of love and it is the best feeling ever.

Carpe the Hell Out of Your Diem–
Laci Jane