A Shopvac, Exhaust Pipe, and a Toddler

I know what you’re thinking WTF?   How could these three things possibly fit together? Well I’m about to explain it. Today was  just like any other normal day.  We woke up,  we had breakfast, we played with our toys, we took a poop in the potty, and then decided we would go to town to get daddy some cake, ice cream, and balloons because after all today is his birthday.

I actually lucked out because my mom was on this adventure with us. The toddler started out the door doing his very best to listen to everything I asked him to do clutching his bright yellow Custer Farms van. As I was loading things in to the car I heard, “mommy look!” As a mother this usually is not a phrase you want to hear from you toddler.  I raced around the back of the vehicle to find my son squatting down looking into the steel hole that is the exhaust pipe. There, nestled inside, was my sons tiny yellow van. Fuck! “See mommy see!” “Yes son I see.”

Yaya (a.k.a. The hulk) was a quick thinker. We called my dad to come to our rescue with a possible solution, jumped in her vehicle and off to town we went. On our way home we were still contemplating my dads remedy for this situation when suddenly The Hulk had an idea! Earlier we’d used part of the ShopVac in the basement to free another toy he had stuck somewhere. Surely we could suck this metal toy out of the toxic hollow of fumes.

Upon arriving home I lugged the Shop Vac upstairs, plugged it in and sucked that little van right out! Victory was MINE!!

Then, I looked over to find the toddler, who was supposed to be learning a lesson about what not to stick in a tail pipe, was happily frolicking through the mud, completely unaware of his bad decision and covered in mud. (Sigh).

I thought to myself, why not enjoy this? after all, I HAD saved the van from a slow and painful death. I chased my toddler around the yard and he collapsed in a tiny heap of giggles. I de-pantsed him right in the front yard to which I discovered his underwear had been on backwards all day! They looked rather uncomfortable, not really sure how he didn’t notice this at some point.




Anyways! Daddy (a.k.a. Spider-Man) came driving in as we made our way up the driveway. I set him down and off he ran across the grass and in to daddy’s arms singing “Happy Birthday to Roman happy birthday to me!”

SO morale of the story is: as a parent it’s easy to get stressed out and upset about something that seems like such a big deal. But the key is to put your underwear on backwards, run through the mud and sing happy birthday to yourself. It worked for us today.

And if you ever need to retieve an object from your exhaust pipe just drag out the ShopVac.

PS. The toddler has nicknamed everyone in the family. I was bestowed with the title “Special” and he tells me all day how special I am. No baby. I think we know which ones or us is the most special of all ❤️.

Carpe the Hell Out of your Diem

Laci Jane





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